call it a whim

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

It's not even 5 am...

And I am wide awake. I don't get insomnia much (thank goodness) but Ugh! I think this is stemming from the fact that I just had the most terrible dream. Funny how when you become a mom, your nightmares no longer involve things that go bump in the night, but terrible visions of horrible things happening to your kids.
I dreamed that Grady drowned, or was drowning, and just as I jumped in to pull him out of the pool I woke up. Normally, I can just shake it off, realize it was nothing more than a dream, and go back to bed. Not today. It was one of those that was horribly vivid and all too real. My heart has not stopped pounding in my chest, and I literally woke up crying. Part of me wanted to go back to sleep so I could try to make the dream turn out ok, with the ambulance arriving to see my little man wrapped in a towel sipping on a juice box.
I got up and checked grady on the video monitor, and everything seems fine. I don't want to go into his room for fear I won't be able to stop myself from scooping him up for a hug. That would only wake him, and then we'd both be crabby tomorrow. So, I am just trying to get it out of my system by writing, and hopefully I will be able to drift back off for a little while on the couch before Chris wakes up.


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