"You Have Arrived"

Back when I was in girl scouts, there were badges you could earn to sew on your sash or the back of your vest. You had to complete certain tasks to get each badge. For example, the Dance badge could be earned by learning a dance from someone else, making up your own dance and preforming it in front of some people, and writing an essay about how dance can be empowering to women (OK, I don't know that those are 100% accurate, but just go with it). Anyway, some badges were pretty easy and some were harder. Well, today I earned my mommy badge. I had already passed a few of the tests, like changing a blowout diaper that reached up to my son's ears. Being freaked out the first time my baby had to go to the hospital and keeping my composure every time a strange old lady touches his face are also on the list. But today, the streamers flew. The presentation ceremony went something like this.... I was running around the house gathering the needed supplies for a day out. Grady was sitting on my bed shreaking (his new form of communication) at me. I absentmindedly handed him my wallet to keep him quiet for 2 minutes. 3 and a half minutes later, I scooped up baby, wallet, cell phone and diaper bag and headed out to the car. First stop (AFTER buckling the baby safely in a rear facing child restraint system, thank you very much, Britney) was the bank. I pulled my wallet from my bag to retrieve my debit card, opened it up, and was greeted by a pile of dripping vomit. Somehow, Grady had managed to spit up in my wallet without soiling the outside, just the inside, where all my stuff bacame saoked in regurgitated formula and pears. NICE. The trumpets blared, I recieved my badge and I was on my way to the mall.